Lyfe!

#art
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I feel like David who wrote psalms
Things are always a little more dramatic w me
In the easy times
The tough times
And the mundane times
I’m always wanting to express myself
I think that god admires our sincerity
No matter how untruthful our sincerity may be
Since sincerity is not synonymous with truth
I think he still cares to hear us out
When we come to him w an honest and seeking heart
His heart for us is like that
He’s honest enough to tell us the truth and to grow us
But tender enough to be the listening ear and shoulder to cry on

Tender

I’ve been feeling that word these days for sure
But leaning more towards raw

Tender and raw
My heart is

Just being grown I suppose

“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long…”

– Psalm 32

Hmm I don’t want to be afraid to be weak, to be wrong, to be last, to need improvements…

I would like to acknowledge these things about myself humbly and press onward

Had to express
And now I can move onward

I can be a total ass when my reputation is on the line
I thought I didnt care for these things
But I hate looking weak
Like eff
To look like a failure to the world
I hate it so much
I was so mean to my dad today
I feel like a bitch
Ugh

I don’t even want to hear mom talk

How is it possible
Or more so
Why is it that as I get increasingly older
That I find more issues with myself?

My flaws are so magnified these days
Does that mean I’m drawing closer to you lord?
That because of your perfection
I look like shit?
I think it really is the reality of things
And I think I just need to swallow my pride
And get over it
To allow myself to be weak
To be a failure
If it means having to trust in him and him alone
To be the source of my strength and identity

Ugh
Life is hard

I want reconciliation

But it really hurts
To die to myself

There’s a lot of anger I harbor against her.
She is kind beautiful gentle and serving
But I never have actually gotten to know her
She is like a stranger to me
I hold heavy expectations over her head that have not been met
Her heart has always been for others
And I saw how when done w wrong motive, how it would just drain her.
Everybody saw a saint
But I saw a wreck
I saw someone not loved enough
Someone who sacrificed and gave
Seeking the affections and support of those around her
She makes me so angry.
I refuse to give her that support.
It is difficult to come into agreement w her because I’ve been hurt by her
I can’t tell at times when it’s religious games or actually love
Because if she loved me, wouldn’t she try harder? Wouldn’t she joyfully surrender, joyfully give? Without keeping count?
I hate how much I love her because I don’t think she is deserving of my love
But I know that neither of us are deserving of any
I want reconciliation
But I think that means that I don’t get to be right
Even if it’s all true
Does she even think of me?
Me? ME?
Who I am beyond my exterior?
Beyond my health and career?
Does she even want to be a part of my life?
I want a friend
I want a partner
I want a mom

As I sit here on this balcony
next to a succulent of used cigarettes placed intricately in moms wooden planter which also holds her dying baby tomatoes, a crystallized rock I found in Catalina and gifted to Oppah, a single wooden chopstick with a blue striped bottom, an empty vitamin water flavored kiwi-strawberry, and some other trash, I am inspired. The sun is resting on/hitting all of me. It’s funny how something as strong as the sum can be so peaceful. But when taken in in larger doses, it is blinding and uncomfortable. I want to and am currently basking in all of it’s glory, or so it feels like. I look down and I see a black squirrel making its way around each patch of grass looking for a treat. I also see a huge black bumble bee hovering left and right over the pink cherry blossoms on the tree in front of me. It is getting way too hot. Until next time, goodbye balcony.

Freedom to be exactly where I am in this relationship

What a relief it is to know that you love me
Despite all my iniquities and flaws
You chose me
You knew exactly what you’d be getting before you entered into this crazy mess of my life
But you still chose me
You chose and constantly choose to still love me

A faithful god you have been
Gracious beyond what I could have imagined up for myself

I want to know you more

I am thankful that there is no pressure on me to perform for you
To have to prove my worth to you
Because I am and know that I am so unworthy
But still you love me
Still you call me

I am humbled
In the best way
And so thankful
Joyfully thankful

That you would call me
And wait for me
Despite my opposition
Despite my complete misunderstandings of who you really are
Despite my disobedience and flat out rejection of you

You are truly the lover of my soul

It’s from you who I learn how to love through
I only love because you first loved me

I’m sorry that i complicated things and didn’t love you right

I know now that all I need and want is to spend more time with you

I didn’t know you
And couldn’t love you because I didn’t know you

I made it much more complex in my head
With what if you’re not real
What if you don’t show
What if I fail you
What if I don’t want to obey

But it always boils down to this
Love

There is faith hope and love
But the greatest of these is you

Breakfast and luchiessssss

Tryna live da healthy life

oliver-peoples-eyewear:

- The Process of Perfection

  1. Production CADs denote how and where each frame will be cut from sheets of custom-designed acetate
  2. Acetate sheets are cut by machine, specific to the shape of each frame
  3. Extracting the raw frame shape from its acetate sheet
  4. The manual, hand filing process carves raw angles into each prototype…
  5. … Followed by further shaping and refining by hand
  6. Acetate frame fronts and their corresponding temples
  7. A metal hinge is fused into acetate for integrity of strength; no adhesives or glues are ever used in Oliver Peoples products
  8. Using a lens pattern, the frame and lenses are matched
  9. Along with the most advanced machinery in the world, hand tools like calipers and files are still utilized to create our eyewear
  10. For a limited-edition product like the Sir Series Vintage capsule, the temple caps are hand-tooled with our signature designs