Processing

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Love is hard, breaking up and things I’ve learned, what’s a campus pastor?, the usual process mumbo jumbo

Choosing to love
Is not so easy
Or comfortable
It’s a constant dying
A willful surrender
Selfless in nature
But gracious and kind
Willing
Willing
willing
A pure heart
Of willingness
To sacrifice
To put your life on the line
It doesn’t matter
When things are not reciprocated
When your name is slandered
And your motives misjudged
True love
Waits
And then waits
And waits
It hopes
And endures all things
I love the way that The Lord loves us
With his kindness he wins the nations over
His sovereignty and might are matchless
But it’s his sweetness and gentleness
His warmth and delight
That draws us near
I love it!
He is good to me!

Vince and I are no longer an item
And I think it’s best to write here on my shelter of a tumblr page
I feel safe here
Able to express myself with no bounds
Or judgement
Thank you to those who read
It means the world to me
I don’t think I’ll tell anybody outside this sphere for a while
Kind of just allowing myself to feel, reflect, and process…

But yeah
I think it shall be a hard couple of days, weeks? …?

Things I have learned:
1) Honesty is the best policy. This ain’t no game yo! And I ain’t just talking about sincere nagging or complaining. Honesty. Be honest to your partner about your thoughts, emotions, fears, hopes, plans, intentions… And be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be unsure, it’s okay to doubt and question… But what will you do with it? Don’t let things hang on the back burner. Honesty! Accompanied by good intention, consideration, and wisdom of course.

2) Have fun and enjoy. Don’t get caught up in the past or the future. Who is it that is in front of you? Allow yourself to enjoy this person and to let yourself to be the present you too. Enjoy the talks, enjoy the silence, enjoy

3) These things are much harder for me to apply to friends and family :( sorry! Working on it currently!


In other news,
I was appointed the campus pastor of GPS Sunnyvale today
Let’s be real,
Only god knows what this will actually entail
For now it will look like praise leading
And preaching like once a month
I’m not sure where any of this will lead
All I know is that god is sweet
And so misunderstood
And that I have a desire to share his goodness with the world!
I know that my parents are proud
But I’m not doing it for them
I love
Cause he first loved me
It’s why I can go to work every morning
And be so happy
Why I can live at home after graduating
And love my family
Even when it’s hard
Love
Oh the answer to life’s unknown questions
Love love love


Blah
Goodnight
I wish you all only the sweetest of dreams

fakinq-glory:

today was my last day in my creative writing class and my teacher gave everybody a piece of paper to write down a contract and to put it in our wallets. she said she did the same thing when she was younger and every now and then she’d brush by it and remember that she wanted to write. everybody took time to write out what they wanted and I just sat at the back of the class, sitting on the windowsill and I knew there was only one thing to write but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. at the end of the class after everybody left, I went to thank her for the year, and she told me that people should be reading my words for a long time, but they won’t be able to do that if I’m not around to write them. I showed her the blank piece of paper, and she said it was okay not to write anything, and then I wrote this. I learned the power of words in that class, I learned it was okay to vomit up half a dozen notebooks stained with blood and exploded pens because it means you have something to say.

fakinq-glory:

today was my last day in my creative writing class and my teacher gave everybody a piece of paper to write down a contract and to put it in our wallets. she said she did the same thing when she was younger and every now and then she’d brush by it and remember that she wanted to write. everybody took time to write out what they wanted and I just sat at the back of the class, sitting on the windowsill and I knew there was only one thing to write but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. at the end of the class after everybody left, I went to thank her for the year, and she told me that people should be reading my words for a long time, but they won’t be able to do that if I’m not around to write them. I showed her the blank piece of paper, and she said it was okay not to write anything, and then I wrote this. I learned the power of words in that class, I learned it was okay to vomit up half a dozen notebooks stained with blood and exploded pens because it means you have something to say.

natgeofound:

Visitors play shuffleboard at a recreation center near Mirror Lake in St. Petersburg, Florida, 1929.Photograph by Clifton R. Adams, National Geographic Creative

1929

natgeofound:

Visitors play shuffleboard at a recreation center near Mirror Lake in St. Petersburg, Florida, 1929.Photograph by Clifton R. Adams, National Geographic Creative

1929